****Caution: A very raw and transparent post ahead.
I'm into Psalms now in my "reading through the Bible" adventure. This morning, the verse that stood out to me the most was this one:
"The secret of the Lord is with those who fear Him and He makes known to them his covenant" -Psalm 25:14
And then this is what I opened up from "Daily Light on the Daily Path" today in my inbox:
“The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things that are revealed belong to us.”
O LORD, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me.
The friendship of the LORD is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant.—“There is a God in heaven who reveals mysteries.”—“Behold, these are but the outskirts of his ways, and how small a whisper do we hear of him!”
“No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.”— “If you love me, you will keep my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth.”
Deut. 29:29; Ps. 131:1, 2; Ps. 25:14; Dan. 2:28; Job 26:14; John 15:15; John 14:15-17
I guess I'm a bit confused by all of this. Clearly, God wants me to understand the concept of his knowledge, relationship with Him, and his unknown ways or secrets. But the funny thing is, I don't feel that I can hear His voice at all right now. I feel as if all the time I'm screaming at Him to speak to me, to help me, to change situations in our life. And I feel as if my prayers are going no further than the proverbial ceiling. So, secrets? No, I don't feel as if I'm learning any secrets of the Lord. I don't feel as if I'm even learning anything that everyone else knows! Have your ever heard of the "Dark Night of the Soul" by St. John of the Cross? I feel as if I've entered a dark night of the soul. A time in my journey with the Lord where I'm questioning all that I thought I knew about Him. A time when I feel as if He has deserted me. And it's really lonely. And I'm really sad about it. I long to know His secrets. But I can't hear His voice at all.