In response to this dreary, yet very "where I am right now" post, my friend Tracy, who I used to teach with back in the "pre-kiddo" days, sent a very sweet and wise email. In it, she wrote something about the scripture from Daniel 2:28 that I had quoted. The scripture reads "There is a God in heaven who reveals mysteries." Tracy, my wise friend, pointed out in her email, "We don't have to solve the mysteries. They are revealed." Those words echoed in my head throughout the last week, even as we were in Paris. Those words are a balm for my weary soul. I do indeed try to solve the mysteries, constantly asking "What is God trying to teach me?" "I don't want to miss it." "What could God be preparing my for during this time of hardship? Further hardship? I can't do further hardship. I'm not even doing this hardship well!" "Did we hear God wrong?" These constant questions--this constant trying to figure things out--has made me really, really tired. What a relief then to realize that I don't have to figure the mysteries out! In time, they will be revealed to me, if the Sovereign Lord allows.
And in response to that last question, "Did we hear God wrong?", I recently read an excellent blog post by one of my favorite bloggers, Mary Demuth. Mary and her family recently returned from a church planting mission in France, where their faith was apparently tested and where Mary perhaps asked these same questions. In fact, in light of the fact that they returned earlier than expected, it seems that others ask Mary that question as well, "Did you hear God wrong in going to France?" This is her thoughtful, heartfelt, and truthful response. And just like my friend Tracy's email, there is something about the gritty truth in Mary's post that puts a salve on my hurting and confused heart.
So, I continue to press on with the Savior, even though his ways are not my ways. In time, perhaps in His grace, He'll reveal His mysteries to me. I do say with Job, "The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."