Showing posts with label Trials. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Trials. Show all posts
Monday, November 17, 2008
Hubby's Serious Injury = No Blogging
Hubby was injured very seriously on September 29. He broke his leg severely under his knee cap. There were two breaks -- one on each side of the tibia -- and lots of crushed bone directly under the knee. This ordeal has involved surgery to implant 2 large plates into the knee with 13! screws, a life-threatening blood clot, and 9 days in the hospital. It's also taken lots of recovery time at home and he has been ordered to be non-weight bearing until the end of December. All this has meant lots and lots of prayer for me and many extra responsibilities that my terrific husband, who is my true partner in every way, normally takes care of. As you might know or remember, hubby is also job-searching. So, this time has been a serious trust-building one for our family. God is teaching us so much about His absolute sufficiency in all circumstances. He is also reminding us that each day with loved ones is a blessing. Please pray for our family to keep looking up to Him as we continue in this trial. And, hopefully, I can begin to blog more regularly soon.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Praying for the Job Search
My brother recently sent me a package with two books in it. One was titled, "Worry: Pursuing a Better Path to Peace" and the other "Running Scared". Do you think he's trying to send me a message? I had recently spoken to the sweet man about our family's uncertainty regarding hubby's job. The plant where hubby has worked since getting out of college fifteen years ago is closing in June. We are uncertain as to where God is taking us next. We are waiting expectantly for God to provide a new job for this family.
Throughout this season of uncertainty and waiting I have wrestled with many questions and seen my faith for what it is...and isn't. I now realize that one of the faulty beliefs I've held is that God is always waiting to "teach me a lesson". I have been surprised to learn how very little I trust in God's goodness. Could God actually gift this family with the desires of our heart? That has been tough for me to think, say, even to type here. The key scripture that God keeps taking me back to to confront that faulty thinking is from Matthew 7, "What man is there among you who, when his son asks for a loaf would give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, he will not give him a snake, will he? If you then being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him." Now, that is not to say that the "good gift" that I desire is or is not the will of God in this particular situation, but it is life-giving to know that my Father will provide good gifts for his children, which includes our family. I find it very hard --presumptuous even -- to say and believe that, but I choose to believe based on the truth in this Scripture.
Right now, we are living to enjoy each simple moment in our wonderful life. And, we are simply praying that the God of the Heavens, the Giver of every good and perfect gift, the God who is our Provider will align our will to His. And in that, I know that He will answer our prayer.
Throughout this season of uncertainty and waiting I have wrestled with many questions and seen my faith for what it is...and isn't. I now realize that one of the faulty beliefs I've held is that God is always waiting to "teach me a lesson". I have been surprised to learn how very little I trust in God's goodness. Could God actually gift this family with the desires of our heart? That has been tough for me to think, say, even to type here. The key scripture that God keeps taking me back to to confront that faulty thinking is from Matthew 7, "What man is there among you who, when his son asks for a loaf would give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, he will not give him a snake, will he? If you then being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him." Now, that is not to say that the "good gift" that I desire is or is not the will of God in this particular situation, but it is life-giving to know that my Father will provide good gifts for his children, which includes our family. I find it very hard --presumptuous even -- to say and believe that, but I choose to believe based on the truth in this Scripture.
Right now, we are living to enjoy each simple moment in our wonderful life. And, we are simply praying that the God of the Heavens, the Giver of every good and perfect gift, the God who is our Provider will align our will to His. And in that, I know that He will answer our prayer.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Other's Words Are a Balm to My Soul
In response to this dreary, yet very "where I am right now" post, my friend Tracy, who I used to teach with back in the "pre-kiddo" days, sent a very sweet and wise email. In it, she wrote something about the scripture from Daniel 2:28 that I had quoted. The scripture reads "There is a God in heaven who reveals mysteries." Tracy, my wise friend, pointed out in her email, "We don't have to solve the mysteries. They are revealed." Those words echoed in my head throughout the last week, even as we were in Paris. Those words are a balm for my weary soul. I do indeed try to solve the mysteries, constantly asking "What is God trying to teach me?" "I don't want to miss it." "What could God be preparing my for during this time of hardship? Further hardship? I can't do further hardship. I'm not even doing this hardship well!" "Did we hear God wrong?" These constant questions--this constant trying to figure things out--has made me really, really tired. What a relief then to realize that I don't have to figure the mysteries out! In time, they will be revealed to me, if the Sovereign Lord allows.
And in response to that last question, "Did we hear God wrong?", I recently read an excellent blog post by one of my favorite bloggers, Mary Demuth. Mary and her family recently returned from a church planting mission in France, where their faith was apparently tested and where Mary perhaps asked these same questions. In fact, in light of the fact that they returned earlier than expected, it seems that others ask Mary that question as well, "Did you hear God wrong in going to France?" This is her thoughtful, heartfelt, and truthful response. And just like my friend Tracy's email, there is something about the gritty truth in Mary's post that puts a salve on my hurting and confused heart.
So, I continue to press on with the Savior, even though his ways are not my ways. In time, perhaps in His grace, He'll reveal His mysteries to me. I do say with Job, "The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."
And in response to that last question, "Did we hear God wrong?", I recently read an excellent blog post by one of my favorite bloggers, Mary Demuth. Mary and her family recently returned from a church planting mission in France, where their faith was apparently tested and where Mary perhaps asked these same questions. In fact, in light of the fact that they returned earlier than expected, it seems that others ask Mary that question as well, "Did you hear God wrong in going to France?" This is her thoughtful, heartfelt, and truthful response. And just like my friend Tracy's email, there is something about the gritty truth in Mary's post that puts a salve on my hurting and confused heart.
So, I continue to press on with the Savior, even though his ways are not my ways. In time, perhaps in His grace, He'll reveal His mysteries to me. I do say with Job, "The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."
Friday, June 15, 2007
The Secret of the Lord?
****Caution: A very raw and transparent post ahead.
I'm into Psalms now in my "reading through the Bible" adventure. This morning, the verse that stood out to me the most was this one:
"The secret of the Lord is with those who fear Him and He makes known to them his covenant" -Psalm 25:14
And then this is what I opened up from "Daily Light on the Daily Path" today in my inbox:
“The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things that are revealed belong to us.”
O LORD, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me.
The friendship of the LORD is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant.—“There is a God in heaven who reveals mysteries.”—“Behold, these are but the outskirts of his ways, and how small a whisper do we hear of him!”
“No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.”— “If you love me, you will keep my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth.”
Deut. 29:29; Ps. 131:1, 2; Ps. 25:14; Dan. 2:28; Job 26:14; John 15:15; John 14:15-17
I guess I'm a bit confused by all of this. Clearly, God wants me to understand the concept of his knowledge, relationship with Him, and his unknown ways or secrets. But the funny thing is, I don't feel that I can hear His voice at all right now. I feel as if all the time I'm screaming at Him to speak to me, to help me, to change situations in our life. And I feel as if my prayers are going no further than the proverbial ceiling. So, secrets? No, I don't feel as if I'm learning any secrets of the Lord. I don't feel as if I'm even learning anything that everyone else knows! Have your ever heard of the "Dark Night of the Soul" by St. John of the Cross? I feel as if I've entered a dark night of the soul. A time in my journey with the Lord where I'm questioning all that I thought I knew about Him. A time when I feel as if He has deserted me. And it's really lonely. And I'm really sad about it. I long to know His secrets. But I can't hear His voice at all.
I'm into Psalms now in my "reading through the Bible" adventure. This morning, the verse that stood out to me the most was this one:
"The secret of the Lord is with those who fear Him and He makes known to them his covenant" -Psalm 25:14
And then this is what I opened up from "Daily Light on the Daily Path" today in my inbox:
“The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things that are revealed belong to us.”
O LORD, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me.
The friendship of the LORD is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant.—“There is a God in heaven who reveals mysteries.”—“Behold, these are but the outskirts of his ways, and how small a whisper do we hear of him!”
“No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.”— “If you love me, you will keep my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth.”
Deut. 29:29; Ps. 131:1, 2; Ps. 25:14; Dan. 2:28; Job 26:14; John 15:15; John 14:15-17
I guess I'm a bit confused by all of this. Clearly, God wants me to understand the concept of his knowledge, relationship with Him, and his unknown ways or secrets. But the funny thing is, I don't feel that I can hear His voice at all right now. I feel as if all the time I'm screaming at Him to speak to me, to help me, to change situations in our life. And I feel as if my prayers are going no further than the proverbial ceiling. So, secrets? No, I don't feel as if I'm learning any secrets of the Lord. I don't feel as if I'm even learning anything that everyone else knows! Have your ever heard of the "Dark Night of the Soul" by St. John of the Cross? I feel as if I've entered a dark night of the soul. A time in my journey with the Lord where I'm questioning all that I thought I knew about Him. A time when I feel as if He has deserted me. And it's really lonely. And I'm really sad about it. I long to know His secrets. But I can't hear His voice at all.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
A Quote That I Can't Stop Thinking About
I've finished "Idoleyes" by Mandisa and "A New Kind of Normal" by Carol Kent. I liked both of them. Each one seemed to have something to say that either I needed to hear or could really relate to. Plus, Mandisa's had lots of great Idol backstory that this AI addict loved! Anyway, Carol Kent quoted Ken Gire in her book "A New Kind of Normal" and I can't get his quote out of my mind. It's about waiting.
"How do we get to the morning, to the sunshine, to the joy? There is only one way. By waiting for it. We can't hurry the dawn, no matter how anxiously we pace the floor or how impatiently we watch the clock. And so the question is not do we wait or not wait, because waiting is all we can do. The question is, how will we wait? Will we wait well...or will we wait poorly?" -Ken Gire
Our family is in a waiting period of sorts. Mainly we're waiting to see what God has in store for hubby as his job phases out by next year. And as the days go by, and that time gets closer and closer, we have started to worry more. I can really see the strain on hubby as he contemplates being able to continue to support our family. I'm quite the problem solver, so I'm constantly asking God what's in our future. Will He continue to provide for us? Will He want us to make another, more permanent move? Can I trust Him, truly trust Him, with my entire life?
One of my biggest fears in life is my husband losing his job, because my step-father lost his job when I was a pre-teen, and it devasted him and his marriage to my mother. Living in that stress as a child, I have always told God, "I can't do that as an adult." That's why hubby and I went to college after all, so that we wouldn't have to worry about these things. But life isn't that simple is it? I know that God has so much to teach our family about giving our entire lives up to His perfect will. I feel like we're beginning to learn that lesson. But have you ever been afraid of God's will? Afraid that He doesn't desire for you what you desire for yourself? That's where I start having trouble with trust. I want what I want. And sometimes the process or pruning, of remolding the clay of my desires and my heart, of firing off the dross of my self-will through giving up my own desires is so painful while it's happening that truthfully, I want to run away.
That's why I love this quote by Ken Gire. Because it reinforces for me that there is a dawn. And that I am not in control of when the sun rises. My Father is. I'm challenged during this time of uncertainty to wait well, to lean into Him completely, to trust that He loves me and will take care of me.
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air. They do not sow or reap or stow away in barns, and yet our Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow? They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, o you of little faith? So do not worry saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things and your Heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:25-34
But how does one wait well in this situation? The verses above from the Sermon on the Mount perfectly describe this kind of waiting -- not worrying, seeking His kingdom first, seeking His righteousness first (above my own desires and dreams). In order to wait well, I need to ruthlessly pursue a worry-free mind. I need to seek after His righteousness in my life. And I need to pursue a continual passion for God's kingdom. Pursuing these areas gives me rest from striving to know or undertand God's will, because when I strive for these things, I learn trust in the character of my Father. And perhaps that's His purpose after all.
"How do we get to the morning, to the sunshine, to the joy? There is only one way. By waiting for it. We can't hurry the dawn, no matter how anxiously we pace the floor or how impatiently we watch the clock. And so the question is not do we wait or not wait, because waiting is all we can do. The question is, how will we wait? Will we wait well...or will we wait poorly?" -Ken Gire
Our family is in a waiting period of sorts. Mainly we're waiting to see what God has in store for hubby as his job phases out by next year. And as the days go by, and that time gets closer and closer, we have started to worry more. I can really see the strain on hubby as he contemplates being able to continue to support our family. I'm quite the problem solver, so I'm constantly asking God what's in our future. Will He continue to provide for us? Will He want us to make another, more permanent move? Can I trust Him, truly trust Him, with my entire life?
One of my biggest fears in life is my husband losing his job, because my step-father lost his job when I was a pre-teen, and it devasted him and his marriage to my mother. Living in that stress as a child, I have always told God, "I can't do that as an adult." That's why hubby and I went to college after all, so that we wouldn't have to worry about these things. But life isn't that simple is it? I know that God has so much to teach our family about giving our entire lives up to His perfect will. I feel like we're beginning to learn that lesson. But have you ever been afraid of God's will? Afraid that He doesn't desire for you what you desire for yourself? That's where I start having trouble with trust. I want what I want. And sometimes the process or pruning, of remolding the clay of my desires and my heart, of firing off the dross of my self-will through giving up my own desires is so painful while it's happening that truthfully, I want to run away.
That's why I love this quote by Ken Gire. Because it reinforces for me that there is a dawn. And that I am not in control of when the sun rises. My Father is. I'm challenged during this time of uncertainty to wait well, to lean into Him completely, to trust that He loves me and will take care of me.
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air. They do not sow or reap or stow away in barns, and yet our Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow? They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, o you of little faith? So do not worry saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things and your Heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:25-34
But how does one wait well in this situation? The verses above from the Sermon on the Mount perfectly describe this kind of waiting -- not worrying, seeking His kingdom first, seeking His righteousness first (above my own desires and dreams). In order to wait well, I need to ruthlessly pursue a worry-free mind. I need to seek after His righteousness in my life. And I need to pursue a continual passion for God's kingdom. Pursuing these areas gives me rest from striving to know or undertand God's will, because when I strive for these things, I learn trust in the character of my Father. And perhaps that's His purpose after all.
Friday, June 8, 2007
My Anthem Right Now
Life here across the pond can be difficult. Being without familiarity, friends, and supports from home wears me down at times. I was reading "Idoleyes" by Mandisa and was reminded of one of my favorite songs. It's really speaking to my weary, weary heart right now. May it minister to yours as well.
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