Wednesday, March 14, 2007

One Stressed-Out, Culture Shocked, Terrified Mommy

Life for us right now is extremely stressful. Daddy has been gone for 12 -13 hours per day. We're in a very small apartment. The three children and I are in a completely new environment with no friends, no family, no church home around. I can't lie to you. Today, I cried. (Those who read this blog that know me personally will not be shocked by this!)

My son, who is very curious, unlocked and opened the window. We're on the 9th floor and there are no screens on windows in the UK! I lost it. I mean completely lost it. What if he had fallen out that window?! The Eric Clapton song about his son that fell from a window came to mind. You know the one..."Tears in Heaven"?

And that's when the tears came. I couldn't hold them back anymore. When you're in such a new place, with new rules, and no friends, family, etc, and the appliances and grocery stores and even the windows are different, it can become overwhelming. In your home country, you're competent and prepared. In a foreign country, even in one where they speak English, you are not. And so I broke right open, right in front of my boy, with tears. All the frustrations of the last ten days came pouring out like water flooding when the dam gives way.

I find myself being so irritable with the children. I'm not used to spending this much solitary time with them, with such little help from their father. To be honest, when I get stressed to this point at home, I call my mom or a friend and ask them to babysit for a couple of hours while I go get my bearings at Starbucks or something. But here I. can't. do. that. I know that's not necessarily a bad thing. I had even thought it through before we got here. But thinking it through and living it are two very different beasts, aren't they?

So, culture shock and mommy-with-the-kids-all-the-time shock has set in. My mom sent me this scripture to encourage me today, "He will not leave you, nor forsake you," from Deuteronomy 31:6. Today, I really needed to be reminded of that...Jehovah Shammah...the LORD is there.

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